The Shock and Pain of Suicide
I had my first client complete suicide recently. It sent shock waves of pain and guilt through me. Thoughts such as ‘I had no idea’ (which I didn’t), ‘he was such a great guy’ and ‘could I have done something more or different’, circled in my brain. It gave me a small glimpse into what must rack the minds and hearts of a person’s friends and family when they decide to end their lives. Some don’t understand why a person would do this but I do. They reach a point of mental anguish where the darkness takes over and it seems like the best option is to end the pain they are living. Experts use to say that there are signs it may happen; they now know that’s not always true. Sometimes, like with this person, there are no indicators. In fact there are times when the person doesn’t even realize they’re going to do it. Particularly in the case of children and teens it can be an impulsive act. I’ve sat with many family members struggling with the ‘whys’ and the ‘if onlys’. I too now wrestle with those thoughts. To the loved ones left with the images and guilt I say there’s nothing you could have done if the person decided they would end their life. When they’re serious they come up with a fool proof way to make sure it’s effective. I’m sorry for your loss. I truly am. Know that, while you will always miss the person and wish it could have been different, the pain will lessen as you process the loss. To those thinking they may attempt it, please seek help. It can get better. There are professionals to come along side and medications that are effective. Sometimes it’s a case of looking until you find the right mix of both for you. Remember that if you decide to act on your thoughts and impulses that suicide is a final act that takes away all hope for you and those around you. The one thing that will remain is the shock and pain of suicide.